Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Things to do in bed:

Watch NCIS

Also- BPAL order:
Halloween 2009
Follow Me Boy

I wish it would get here already!

This combined with the fact that I made a photo from Chernobyl my computer background really makes me wonder if something is wrong with me...other than being "eccentric"....

I want a pillow with a pillow case that has a picture of Morrissey on it that says "Send me your pillow... the one that you dream on..." For those 4 hour naps I take.

And thinking about this:

I will never be able to put clearly into words how I feel about the whole "fat fetish" issue. I can, however, write down all of my jumbley thoughts on the subject.

Once a "friend" told me that the reason I was having such trouble with boys was because of my weight. Shocked, I asked him to clarify his statement. He then proceeded to inform me that "no real man" would ever want to date/fuck a fat girl, and the only reason that I had dated/fucked anyone was because my weight must have been a fetish for them. I don't think I have ever been so insulted in my life. Sure, I've gotten lame remarks from boys in high school, but this was a grown man!

He flipped my world upside down. I doubted the motives behind any compliment, I even accused a "potential love interest" of only liking me because of my weight. I still have major trust and self-confidence problems because of this incident.

What a turn of events. I thought I'd never have to deal with this, I've always thought that people would find me charming or adorable in actions. I never suspected that I would be wanted for my body.

And, obviously, I'm confused about how I feel about that.

It feels great to be told how sexy, beautiful, gorgeous I am, but now I question the stimulus behind every compliment. Am I just sexy for a fat girl? Or sexy for any girl?

Does it make a difference?

My friend GB thought this:
In the end it makes no difference. People like people for different reasons. For some it's a fetish for others it's because they genuinely prefer body shapes like yours. Is liking a thin girl a fetish? Why does liking a curvy girl mean it's a fetish? It makes no sense.

I talked to my SIL for 1.5 hours today. I miss her. Ideally I would like to have them all to myself this weekend but I'm sure that isn't possible. Grumble.

Polka Dot Riesling is my new favorite wine. Available at Target for 9.99. Yes. I am that cheap of a wine snob. Ha.

I am going to a lecture about H.P. Lovecraft tonight.

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